If PHP Were British (2012)

The Right Honourable biggerthancheeses was kind enough to contribute a more gentrified suggestion (and has some interesting ideas, particularly around replacement of “include()” with something like “i_might_be_partial_to()”, demonstrating a natural talent for the Imperialisation of programming languages):

Words fail me at this point. This new block, although more verbose, is vastly more polite and upbeat:

Perhaps nothing is as important and ingrained in the British psyche as the notion of class and, while there are few opportunities for change within this part of PHP, the changes that there are to be made here are important. It is hoped that these few simple changes will improve the reputation and status of PHP among other languages.

Source: aloneonahill.com